Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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