How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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