I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
