i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
