She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
