What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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