im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
