you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's blow job season.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
