I'm really into asian looking animals
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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