somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
