So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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