Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
