I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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