I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
