Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
