apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
