I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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