why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize