i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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