if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
