We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
