my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
