Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
