I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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