all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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