Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
