I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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