Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
