I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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