So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
