seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
