i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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