I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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