Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Randomize
