Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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