double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
