apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
