How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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