So drunk its hurt
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
