I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
