Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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