i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
