So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
