Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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