i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
