too bad you live with your parents still
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
