based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
