HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
