They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
