ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
