i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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