I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize