areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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