I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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