Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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