dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
