I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
ttyl tear gas
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
