My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
