when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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