oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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