turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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