very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Randomize
