Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
