these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize