that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
