he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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