I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
