I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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