Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
