im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
