I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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