Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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