he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
