OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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