thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
