none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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