I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
