Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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