that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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