If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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