Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
